Weather today in the greater Cincinnati area.
I love you so badly.
They're solid plastic, so don't settle for imitation.
But the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity.
Baby, if you've ever wondered
And wondered what ever became of me
I'm living on the air in Cincinnati
In Cincinnati WKRP
Got kinda tired of packing and unpacking
Town to town, up and down the dial
Baby, you and me were never meant to be
Just maybe think of me once in a while
I'm at WKRP in Cincinnati
Alright, babies, it's time for the doctor to lie down for a little while.
Just till this dizzy spell passes.
That means I'll be back tomorrow morning, come 6am, right here, hovering over the operating tables.
So, in the meantime, you remember to do what the doctor says.
Don't be cruel.
And right now, it's time for Mr. Les Nessman with a whole mess of news.
WKRP
Morning, Johnny.
Cincinnati
It's all yours.
London, Madrid, Bangkok, Moscow, Cincinnati
From the home corners of the world
From the news capitals at home and abroad
The day's headlines brought into focus
The issues and events that shape our time
WKRP
Information Beacon of the Ohio Valley presents
Les Nessman and the News
And up to the minute commentary from one of journalism's most trusted voices
Five-time winner of the Buckeye News Hawk Award
Is that new? I just had it made.
Very nice. I like it.
Now here's Les Nessman and the News
Good morning. This is Les Nessman reporting.
In the top story of the day, General Wallace Nassami, head of the emerging nation of Nibia, denied his new government was a dictatorship
And promised free elections as soon as each citizen of the small country learned to play a musical instrument.
Nassami said this was part of a new cultural program.
Turning to sports
Winner of this week's Gulf Coast Golf Classic was Chai Chai Rodriguez.
Chai Chai finished with a nine under par score.
Chichi Rodriguez
Hopefully Mr. Rodriguez will play up to Tom's next competition.
Turning to the commodities, soybeans sagged while corn popped to an all-time high.
Chichi Rodriguez
Hi.
So, how's it going?
Oh, same old thing. Answering the phone and fighting off Herb.
Herb ought to be ashamed of himself.
You know, I'm really getting tired of it. He wants to take me to lunch. He wants to take me to dinner. He wants to take me dancing.
And every time I say no, he says, there's yes in my eyes.
Do you see yes in there anywhere?
No.
Listen, you want me to talk to him?
Oh, it wouldn't do any good.
Well, where is he?
Oh, in there, probably going through Mr. Carlson's desk.
I'll speak to him.
I'd do anything if you could get him off my back.
Find anything interesting?
No.
Don't you ever knock.
Listen, I'm putting together the KRP softball team. You want to play?
No.
Okay, I guess I'll just have to find somebody else to bat behind Jennifer.
No, wait a minute. She's on the team?
Yeah.
I'll play. What the heck, it's good for the station.
You know, Herb, you're an all right guy.
Yeah.
Well, what is it? Mixed league? Guys and girls together?
No, Jennifer's the only woman I know about. She's our shortstop. She bats clean up.
She does?
Why not? She's our best player.
She is?
You didn't know that?
I didn't even know we had a softball team.
You probably don't know...
Well, I guess most people don't.
No, no. No, what?
Well, it's sort of a secret. I'm sorry, Herb.
No, wait a minute. Is it about Jennifer?
Yeah.
Well, come on, tell me. I need to know.
Oh, sure. So you can blab it to everybody else.
No, no, no, no. I swear I won't. I won't. You have my word.
You promise?
Promise.
Now you'd never believe that.
I'll believe it!
Okay, but this better not get around.
Trust me.
Herb...
Our receptionist, the beautiful Jennifer Marlowe,
is a result of the most cunningly successful sex change operation in the...
Get out of here!
Oh, wait a minute.
You mean the cornfield, right?
Yes.
End that out.
So it was theさんnimababerlin
You mean to tell me that Jennifer, that she's a...
Guy. Or at least, she used to be.
Get out of here, okay?
Wait a minute. Now, what you're saying...
I mean, you're telling me that she...
Get out of here!
All right. Wait a minute.
I don't believe it.
Hey, you don't have to, man.
All I'm saying is just don't tell anybody else.
That's all I ask.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Listen, Andy, Les never was very good at sports anyway.
Well, that doesn't matter.
Well, maybe he'd be glad just to do the news and the farm report.
No, wait. This is not Les' fault. It's a total misunderstanding.
Who's gonna explain that to Les?
Well, we're both gonna have to explain it to Les.
This is the only way it'll work if we both talk with him.
Why don't you just talk to him?
Because I don't like talking about things like that.
This is a ridiculous situation.
We both have to talk with Les and straighten this thing out.
Morning, big guy.
Hi, Herb. Take a walk, will you, Herb?
Really?
No, uh, I don't believe it.
Huh.
You do. Wait a minute.
You know about this?
Well, I'm not supposed to tell, but, uh, yeah, I know.
Well, let's just break. This is gonna get all over town.
Who told you?
I can't say.
Yeah, well, what do you understand?
Johnny told me.
Does Les know yet?
I don't know.
Will you tell him?
Yeah, could you?
No, I think we should both tell Les about this.
Yes, Fred, why can't Herb be the one that tells him?
Yeah, I get to tell him.
What do you mean, you get to tell him?
You sound like you're enjoying this.
Look, I'm as shocked as everyone else.
Would you send Les in, please?
And I'll tell you something else.
I don't believe it. Not for a minute.
Well, neither do we.
Look, it is just a mistake.
It's got to be.
Let me ask you this.
If this is true, can you deal with something like this?
Surely.
Yeah?
I guess. I mean, what's done is done.
Herb, you're an all right guy.
Everybody keeps telling me that.
Wanted to see me?
Oh, yes, of course we do, Les.
Look, would you just sit down right over here, please?
Right here in the chair.
Because Herb has something that he wants to tell you.
Come on, Andy, let's hear it.
No, you and I should both stay.
Okay, Herb, you tell it.
Les, Jennifer's a guy.
What?
That's what I said.
Oh, yeah, listen, Herb, thank you very much for telling Les that.
Now, go to your office, will you?
Surely.
If you guys need any more help, just let me know.
Yeah, all right.
What's going on?
I should know. I'm the news director.
Listen, Les...
Excuse me.
Hm? Hm?
Uh, Les, uh...
Les, Andy has something he wants to tell you.
Go ahead and tell him, Travis.
Oh, listen, Les...
Les, you've been barred from the locker rooms at the stadium.
I don't understand.
Well, we've got a problem here.
Uh, well, that's how these things get started.
I-I really don't know.
What is it, Andy?
One of the players has gone to the coach, insisting that you not be allowed to conduct post-game interviews in the locker room.
Why?
Because...
Guy thinks you're homosexual.
That's what he says, and the organization has gone along with him on that one.
Les, don't worry about this thing. Those guys over there are crazy.
To heck with them. We just won't report their games.
Now, that'll show them, huh?
Do my fellow journalists know about this?
No, it's none of their business.
But they'll find out. They're reporters.
Look, no, Les, no, wait a minute. No, we're gonna get this thing straightened out.
You bet we will, because you're not, uh, uh, what they say you are.
Unless, of course, you are, which we know you're not.
Are you?
Or?
Does that even matter? People think what they want to think.
When this gets around, the truth won't make any difference.
No, no, wait a minute, no, Les.
Les, listen. We are your friends. We're gonna stand behind you. We're gonna get to the bottom of this thing.
Thank you, Andy. I think I need to be alone for a moment to collect myself.
Sure.
If you wouldn't mind?
Uh, no, don't worry about this thing, Les. Have a seat. Sit down here.
Look, Les, my office is your office for as long as you need. Okay? Huh?
Uh, don't worry about this thing now, Les.
Okay.
Poor guy. Oh, yeah. Man, oh, man.
Poor, poor guy. It's, it's tough.
What is going on?
Nothing!
Hello, WKRP. May I help you?
How's he taking it?
Well, not well, I can tell you that.
Somehow, I thought I'd be the one most upset.
We've got to talk with that player at the stadium and see what he says about this.
You talking about that lady tennis player who used to be a guy?
How could he be this with you and all this sex change stuff?
That was a Mr. Neese in the Negman building across the street. He wanted to know if that was you out on the ledge.
Oh, boy.
What is going on?
I don't know. You want to go bowling?
Hi, Mr. Carlson.
Hi, Les.
How's it going?
Hi, Andy.
Hi, how you doing, Les? Listen, come on in and let's talk, okay?
There's no point in talking, Andy.
Oh, of course there is.
I've always considered myself a fairly macho kind of guy.
Now my reputation is ruined and my reputation is all that I am.
Look, Les, we'll go down to the stadium. We'll talk with those guys.
Even if we did, there'd always be a black mark beside my name which time cannot erase.
He's starting to get poetic. Is that a good sign?
No, no, listen, keep him talking. I'm going to call the police.
To be or not to be?
I'm sorry, Les, I missed that.
I said to be or not to be. That is the question.
Yeah, it certainly is.
Yes, that's right, the ninth floor of the Flim building. Please hurry, Sergeant.
Okay, the police are on their way.
Well, that's the stadium number. Is there anything else I can do?
I don't think so right now.
What's all the excitement about?
Les is out on the ledge.
What?
Listen, Herb, some jerk accused Les of being a homosexual.
A homosexual?
That's right. You know Les.
Apparently not. At least I didn't know he was, you know, funny.
The word is gay, not funny. And so what if he is?
He comes to work, he does his job, he's a fine person. His sex life is his own business.
Sure, you'd say that.
I need a dictionary.
All right, I'll hold.
No, you have to keep him talking out on the ledge.
I am keeping him talking, but he wants to know what fartals are.
What?
Fartal, it's a word. It's here in Hamlet's soliloquy.
When he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin, who would fartals bear?
There's a dictionary in my desk.
Oh, okay.
Look up bodkin too while you're at it.
Oh, hi, Johnny.
Hi.
Hey, listen, can we talk to Les for a minute?
Sure.
Where is he?
He's on the ledge.
Interesting.
Please, this is an emergency. Have him call me as soon as you can. I'll be right by the phone.
You know, Les wouldn't be out there right now if it weren't for people like you.
Me? What'd I do?
It's your attitude, Herb, your prejudices.
Prejudice? I don't have a prejudiced bone in my body.
Prove it sometime, Herb. Prove it to Les.
And then there was this guy that dove off the Golden Gate Bridge and he hit a barge.
Pancake.
I don't want to talk about that, Johnny.
Les, I just think you ought to know what you're getting yourself into, pal.
Maybe I should come in.
That's a real good idea, Les. Why don't you start by just turning around so you can see me, okay? Real slow. Real slow.
Put your left hand on this wall over here. I'm right here. Just come around. Come to me real slow. Okay?
Perhaps a little more slowly now.
Try stepping over here. Why don't you give me your right hand? You don't have to.
Okay, just look at me and I'll watch down here. Just step right across here, okay? Take it easy.
That's good. Moving your leg is a good way to step. That's good. Come on.
Hey, Les, I thought about it and it's okay if you're gay.
Fart, old Les.
I think those guys are moving around down there. Hey, the fire department is stringing up nets of some sort down there. I hope we don't have to use them.
It's my fault he's still out there. Hey, he'll come in. Just give him time.
Look, if anything happens to Les... Take it easy, Herb. I shouldn't have picked on you like that.
It's okay. You're probably not yourself since the operation.
I'm sorry.
He wants to talk with you again, Mr. Carlson. Oh, sure. I don't know what else to do.
I explained to him how this whole mess got started and it doesn't seem to make a darn bit of difference. What did happen?
Now, Les and a couple of reporters were interviewing this ball player after the game, right? Now, Les doesn't know that much about sports.
So he asks a couple of crazy kind of questions and then when he splits, one reporter turns to the other and says,
queer little fellow, isn't he? And the ball player misunderstood the remark.
Then it's all just a silly misunderstanding. That's right, but tell Les that.
I'll tell Les that. Les is my best friend. I'll get him back in here.
No, Herb, now you know what happened last time you tried to talk with him.
This time it'll be different. No, I don't think so. Now, wait a minute.
But I know I can do it. No, no, no.
Farewell, a long farewell to all my greatness. This is the state of man.
Today he puts forth the tender leaves of hopes. Tomorrow blossoms and bears his blushing honors thick upon him.
The third day comes a frost, a killing frost. And when he thinks good, easy man, fools, surely his greatness is a ripening, nips his root.
And then he falls, as I do. No, no, no.
Look, Les, couldn't we quote something from Hello Dolly?
Les, this is Herb speaking. Now I just want you to know that if you jump, I'll jump too.
Thanks, Herb.
Mr. Carlson? What is it, Les? I love sports.
I know you do, Les. I just don't seem to understand them very well.
Look, Les, I'll tell you something. You come back inside this building and you can do anything you want on this radio station.
That's very nice of you, Mr. Carlson. But my reputation is still besmirched and sullied.
Dictionary! Les!
Oh, I said a dictionary! No, no, no. It's a phone call for Les.
Could you take a message, Andy? No, look, I think it's a player at the stadium.
It's the one who had you banned from the locker room. I think he wants to apologize.
Okay, Andy.
Hello? Les Nesbitt speaking.
Not much.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Well, that's all right.
Listen, we all make mistakes sometimes.
I don't want you to worry about it anymore.
It's all right.
Yes, they do look like little ants.
So tell me, what do you think of the team's chances of going all the way this year?
Really? Oh, that's terrific.
Can I quote you on that?
That's just great.
Well, are you out of your slump?
Oh, great.
Sure, I'll see you out at the stadium for the next tournament.
What?
Game.
Well, goodbye. Good luck to you, too, Bruce.
Thank you, Andy.
Hey, Les, no problem.
Thank you, Mr. Carlson.
Oh, listen, that's okay, Les.
Here, take this. Why don't you come on in now, Les, huh?
I can't.
Why?
Well, sure you can, Les. Look, it's all over with now. Everything is just fine.
Yeah, I'm afraid to move.
As a matter of fact, I feel like I'm gonna fall.
No, Les, no. Don't do that, Les.
Hold it. Hold it.
Just relax, Les.
Don't look down, Les.
Somebody say something, will you?
Well, Les, now, if you fall, all your newspaper buddies will think you jumped because that player was right.
Herb!
I know what I'm doing.
Since when?
So, do you hear me, Les?
I hear you, Herb.
Well, you better get your tail back in here or else it's gonna, well, look, you know, funny.
All right, Herb. I'm coming to get you, Les.
Oh, no, you're not.
Give me a room.
I know what I'm doing.
Hurry, Herb.
All right.
What are you doing, Herb?
If you're gay, you're gay.
It doesn't matter.
Hang on for a minute.
But if you're not gay, then people shouldn't go around saying you are.
So give me your hand.
Just reach right out, Les, and take that hand.
Come on, Les, on three.
Close your eyes.
One, two, three.
Do it, Les.
Step across.
We got him. We got him.
I'm gonna buy an ass.
Come on in here, Les, and show me what kind of man you really are.
Really?
Oh!
Hi.
I saw Herb this morning.
How is he?
He's a little doped up, but he'll be fine.
Same here.
It's just a joke.
Speaking of jokes, what did you tell Herb about me?
Nothing much.
Morning, everyone.
Oh, hi, Les.
I was just out the hospital.
The doctor says that Herb can go home in a week.
I know. I saw him, too.
Did he seem all right to you?
Well, as well as can be expected.
Well, I think he must have hit that net head first.
He kept asking me the same question over and over again.
This is pretty complicated, but he wanted to know,
if a guy dates a girl who used to be a guy but isn't anymore,
what does that make the guy who dates the girl who used to be a guy?
It's toughy.
The weather today in the greater Cincinnati area.
They're solid plastic, so don't settle for imitation.
But the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated,
could not explain his nudity.
Baby, if you've ever wondered, wondered whatever became of me,
I'm living on the air in Cincinnati, Cincinnati WKRP.
Got kind of tired of packing and unpacking,
town to town, up and down the dial.
Baby, you and me were never meant to be.
Just maybe think of me once in a while.
I'm at WKRP in Cincinnati.
Well, morning, Jennifer.
Oh, hi, Andy. How's it going?
Fine. Great day. Messages?
Andy, I tried to catch you at the elevator downstairs.
I'm sorry, Les. I didn't see you.
You didn't hear that thump just after the doors closed?
Yeah, I did hear that.
Well, that was me.
Oh. What can I do for you?
Were you listening to Johnny as you drove in this morning?
Sure.
But he's doing bogus news reports, Andy.
It's very dangerous, you know.
Well, like what?
Well, he's telling the listeners there's this thing
called the Cincinnati Triangle.
It's just like the Bermuda Triangle,
except it runs from Cincinnati up to Dayton,
over to Columbus and back.
He's reporting that things have begun to disappear
from the Cincinnati Triangle.
What kind of things?
Well, so far, two recreational vehicles and Woody Hayes.
Les, I don't think anyone in their right mind
would believe that one.
That's a joke.
Oh. Is it funny?
Well, I think it's funny, Jennifer.
Oh, yeah. So do I.
Oh, I see.
Darn Johnny.
Psst.
What a card.
Oh, Travis, just the man I need to see.
Would you get in here, please?
Sure thing, Mr. Cross. Let me put my things away.
All right.
Hear the news?
Woody Hayes is missing.
Who is Woody Hayes?
Who's Woody Hayes?
Only the famous Ohio State football coach.
Boy, where have you been?
Out with other men, Herb,
letting them have their way with me.
Don't say that, Jennifer.
It's true, Herb. You want to know what else?
No, I don't want to hear it.
Andy's done a lot of nice things.
Andy, meet Steve Peavey.
Hello, Mr. Peavey.
Hello, young man.
Steve here is one of my oldest and dearest friends.
Oh, that's nice.
And guess what else?
He's a concert promoter.
Oh, yeah?
That's right.
I haven't been too active lately,
but showbiz is in my blood and I can't seem to get it out.
Andy, this man can tell you some wild stories.
I could tell you some wild stories.
Tell what?
Oh, come on.
Mr. Carlson, did you want to see me for any particular reason?
Of course I did.
I always want to see you for a reason, Travis.
There was this one time Jerry Veil swallowed a bug at the Starlight Theater.
Not now, Steve.
Flew right down his throat, Steve.
Look, Travis, you've always talking about how we need to promote a concert?
Yeah, I'm working on that.
Well, I'm going to help you,
because this man has booked some of the biggest acts in show business in Cincinnati.
That's right.
And they're always in the best of tastes.
Well, I'm sure he has, Mr. Carlson, but we need a band that plays rock and roll.
Just a second.
Stevie Peevy here books all kinds of acts.
That's right.
They don't call me Mr. Entertainment for nothing.
Oh, dear.
My pie has been squished.
Just tell us what you got.
How about a bear act?
I don't think so.
They wear tutus.
Look at that.
Musical acts.
Well, let me see.
I still booked Chuck Parker and his Mounted Virginians.
Listen, Travis, now there's a winner for you.
It's a Dixieland band that plays on horseback.
Oh, horseback.
No, we need a band that's going to go along with our rock and roll format.
Yeah.
I do have one act.
They must be a rock and roll band.
Their name's Scum of the Earth.
You book scum?
Not as a rule.
That sounds terrible.
What else have you got?
No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This is a hot new group in England.
And they're starting an American tour.
I could get them for you.
Their price certainly is right.
Is this what you call your junk rock?
Punk, punk rock.
Punk, junk.
It's all the same.
Look, I'd like to hear a little bit more about the bears.
Stevie, why don't you and I discuss the details at my office?
We'll have to move fast on this, Andrew.
Well, let's get right on.
Oh, good.
I like it when it gets exciting.
Hey, wait a minute, guys.
Look, is this going to be tasteful?
It's going to be just the thing that we've been looking for.
I'll be dipped in shellac.
Invite my best friend up to give me some help.
What does he give me?
Scum.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, parking is not our responsibility.
That comes under auditorium security.
Well, then you have to talk to Mr. Peavy about that.
Okay.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Hi there, Travis.
Good morning, Mr. Colonel.
Andy, I've been thinking.
Excuse me, sir.
Hello, Andy.
Yeah, well, print up about a thousand of those posters, at least.
Yeah, no, bill us.
Okay, thank you.
Look, Andy, a couple of things.
I've given this a lot of thought, and I just don't know about this concert idea.
Daddy, what do you want me to do with all these ticket orders?
Just dump them on the counter.
Right.
Hi, Mr. Paulson.
Hi.
Look, the truth is, Travis, that I just read their publicity material.
Frankly, I don't know if I want to be known as the man who brought scum to Cincinnati.
Andy, I'm going to need a lot more free tickets for my clients.
They've all got kids.
I'll see what I can do for them.
And another thing to think about is WKRP's long and trusted reputation.
When my mother first started this station...
Oh, by the way, I sold all the program ads.
Oh, hi, big guy.
Hi.
Listen, Travis, words out.
This band does some crazy things.
Now, I know that I'm not known as a hip guy.
Hey, Andy, how's this for the show?
That is perfect.
Good.
I've been wanting to wear this dog.
What's happening, man?
Well, Venus is emceeing the show.
Oh, yeah, real good.
You know, Andy, there are two reasons that I don't want to do this thing.
Number one is there's money in here.
Sure, a lot of it.
Seven bucks a ticket.
I'm sorry, Mr. Paulson, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?
Oh, nothing, nothing at all.
Except just don't you forget whose idea this was in the first place, okay?
This is Dr. Johnny Fever reminding you that tomorrow night's
Scum of the Earth concert is a sellout.
But you can still hear them this afternoon when Venus Flight Trap
interviews Scum live in our studios.
Their plane should be landing just about now,
so let's hope it doesn't disappear into the Cincinnati Triangle.
And by the way, there's still no word on Woody Hades.
Yeah.
How does that look?
It's poetry.
Good grief.
Isn't something like that an invitation for all the worst sort of people to come in here?
Unless that's the name of an orchestra.
Haven't you heard the on-the-air promotion spots we've been running?
Yes, but I thought that was all just a joke.
It is less.
I thought so.
It's darn funny, too.
It's darn funny.
Isn't this exciting, Mr. Carlson?
Yeah, it certainly is.
Our first concert, I mean, the first concert we've had since we've gone rock.
And we sold out, too.
Of course, it's not a very big auditorium, but still, I think it's very exciting.
Who's she?
Bailey Quarters.
Does she work here?
Uh-huh.
I like her.
I know.
You say that every time you meet her.
I do?
Hey, big guy, have you ever heard of Scum Record?
This may amaze you, Herb, but no.
Yeah, well, I wrote down the lyrics to one called Love is Murder.
You want to hear it?
What choices do I have?
Yeah.
Love is murder.
Murder is love.
I'm a rock and roll hoodlum with a black leather glove.
Knock me down, baby.
Step on my face.
I'm a fool for you, baby.
Let's blow up this place.
Kind of catchy, huh?
I never let my own influence my record selection.
Andy, Mr. Peeby finally called from the airport.
Scum is on its way.
That's terrific.
Terrific?
Those people write music about explosions.
Mr. Carlson, I've been trying to tell you this.
They're musicians.
All that's just a gimmick.
You've got nothing to worry about.
I got to check on Venus.
Johnny, is that true?
What?
That I've got nothing to worry about.
No, it's not.
You think these guys are crazy, John?
Herbert, I certainly do.
By the way, your car is missing from the parking lot.
This has got to be more of your Cincinnati Triangle nonsense, huh?
Okay, don't believe me.
Excuse me for a minute.
Johnny, Andy tells me these rock and roll groups put on these acts for their fans.
Some do.
How about the scum of the earth?
Some don't.
Well, I'm not going to worry about it.
Because Steve Peeby's handled these show business types before.
Hello, we're the scum of the earth.
No.
Yes.
Huh?
Hi.
Listen, Dr. Fever, this is Marv.
These guys are wonderful.
Coats and ties, the whole thing.
Welcome aboard, fellas.
Thank you very much, sir.
Are you sure you're scum?
Positive.
Of course they are.
Where is Mr. Peeby?
He got out of the car.
That's actually the last we saw of him, I think.
Was the car moving when he got out?
Yes, I believe it was.
Why would he do a thing like that?
We don't know.
But that's our story and we're sticking to it.
Yeah, these are the guys.
Why don't you guys?
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
All right, now this is Venus Flytrap.
He's going to be doing the interviewing.
Hello.
Mr. Flytrap, how are you?
I'm fine.
How do you do?
Anything in particular you guys want to rap about?
No, no, no.
You can ask us anything you like.
We're just delighted to be here.
Well, how about something to drink?
Tea would be lovely.
You got it.
Okay, fellas, here we go.
Oh, anytime.
This is so exciting.
That was Scum of the Earth, new hit.
And now let's rap to these heavy dudes here, live, in person.
This is Venus Flytrap, one-on-one with Scum.
Welcome to Cincinnati, guys.
We hate Cincinnati.
Huh?
We don't like this studio much either.
Look, why don't you introduce yourselves?
Very well.
I'm Blood.
This is Nigel.
And this is Sir Charles Weatherby.
He answers to Dog.
Okay.
Let's start with Dog.
Where did you three first meet?
Where did we meet?
How boring.
Same old questions wherever we go.
Yes, but this is particularly boring.
No one should have to hear this nonsense.
I would suggest that everyone listening turn to another radio station immediately.
Yeah.
You dudes like to get around a lot, don't you?
Heel!
May I say hello to my mother?
Your mom will live in Cincinnati.
Well, there's always a chance, isn't there?
Hello, Mommy.
You naughty girl.
Don't come home if you know what's good for you.
Hey, look, turkeys.
You want to shave up or you want me to put on another record?
We're so sorry, please.
Yes, we apologize.
Why don't you ask Dog about his musical training?
Okay.
Sorry, gang, we had a slight technical problem.
We're now back live with Scum.
Okay, Dog, tell us about your formal musical training.
I have none.
I can't read a bloody note.
But I got a degree in cello at the Royal Academy.
Oh, yeah?
I don't play too much anymore.
You can't get thousands of screaming teenage girls to come to a cello recital now, can you?
I do rather like teenage girls.
Now I think I know how punk rock got its name.
Actually, we're not a punk rock group.
No, punk rock is passe.
We play hoodlum rock.
It's several cuts below punk rock.
What's the difference?
Well, first of all, punk rock groups dress deplorably.
And secondly, they don't usually physically attack their audiences.
And you dudes do?
Come to the show and find out.
We don't like audiences.
Hey, aren't they nice?
Nice? Look what they did to Steve.
What happened?
I'll tell you what happened. They threw him lock, stock and briefcase right out of the limousine.
One of them asked me what time it was.
And when I said I didn't know, this other one said, well, that's it for him.
Those people are the scum of the earth.
Actually, they're very polite boys, but extremely vicious.
Oh, now, Mr. Peavy, you just calm down.
I'm going to go call your wife.
Thank you.
Travis, what the hell's going on?
I don't know.
Hey, Andy, what the hell's going on?
I don't know.
Man, those dudes are just nuts.
Let's cancel the concert.
Wait a minute, they seemed like nice enough guys when I first met them.
Believe me, man, those dudes are vicious. They're dangerous and they're out of control.
Where are they now?
Having tea in the control room.
Well, that's it.
Let's cancel that concert.
Wait a minute. Now, we can't do that.
Now, can we, Mr. Peavy?
If you don't, you're nuts.
I, for one, am getting out of here.
Look, wait. The concert is tonight.
The concert is tonight.
I don't care. That's your problem.
You take it from here.
I've got a wife to think about. Kids, roots.
Well, Travis, now what are we going to do?
What we're going to go ahead is planned.
I'll take over for Peavy.
Who's going to watch the band?
Johnny.
Johnny?
Ha! Instead of three nuts, now I've got to force them.
You can do it.
These guys just got to be handled in the right way.
Okay.
Okay, let them in.
Excuse me.
I was in my office working and I smelled some smoke,
so I looked in the broadcast booth.
There are three very well-dressed young men in there.
They seem to be cooking something.
I swear, man, they were drinking tea when I left.
This is another joke, right?
Yeah, Les, it's a joke.
It's darn funny.
You know, if it wasn't for my sense of humor,
I would swear I was losing my mind.
Boy, it's tough at the top.
Isn't you over here to look after us?
Yeah. Who's watching you, then?
Nobody. I'm a responsible adult.
You don't look responsible.
Well, you just have to trust me.
We're not responsible. We're irresponsible.
I think you're boring.
Boring.
We're never boring.
Watch this.
I take it back. You're fascinating.
How about this, then?
Much better.
Can you top it?
He's really getting into something.
I see what you mean.
No, we're having lunch. No coffee for me.
No, no, there's a swell bunch of kids, really.
Yeah.
If you're not through with lunch, I could come back.
That's it. We're in there.
I don't know.
Gee, they're just another bunch of rock and rollers.
You know, I can handle it.
Excuse me. What floor are we on?
The ground floor.
Pity.
I'll tell you the truth, Andy.
I don't see what the fuss is all about.
Really.
Yeah, it's, uh...
It's, uh...
Standing room only.
There's not an empty seat in the house.
Yeah, but where is the band?
They're on their way, man.
He's going off our clock now.
We're gonna do it.
All right.
Hey, babies. Are they here?
They're here, yeah.
All right, let's go. Let's go get them on stage.
Well, there's a problem.
They're not gonna perform.
What?
Yeah, they, uh...
They feel they haven't been treated well here.
Where's the stick?
I need a stick.
Those jerks have got a contract.
Yeah, they ate that on the way over.
I'll kill him.
No, wait a minute, man.
It's no good talking to them.
I tried.
Come on, man. Just calm down.
You gotta be cool about this.
Just take it easy.
Where's the stick?
I'm gonna kill you.
Don't rush into anything, baby.
It's just a rock concert, right?
I mean, this stuff happens every day.
Yeah.
But I'm the one that's gotta go out there
and tell 4,000 maniacs there's no show.
Yeah.
I'll tell you something.
By now, I don't think the maniacs
will notice the difference.
You haven't crossed them, Will.
And I wouldn't blame them
if you fired the whole bunch of us.
I suppose you've heard that the three of us
have decided that we're not going on this evening.
The three of us have decided that the three of you
are going on this evening.
Rock and roll.
All right, Cincinnati.
The mighty WKRP is proud to present
for the first time in the colonies
the Scorch of Yard.
Good evening, all you stupid idiots.
Hello!
Hello, you screaming twits!
We're jumping out to pay money for this!
How you doing?
We ain't laughing at you!
What are you gonna say about that?
Hey!
Rock and roll!
Whoa!
I've got enough love
for the two of us.
I've got enough love
for the two of us.
I've got enough love
for the two of us.
Travis?
Hello.
Hello, Mr. Carlson.
How you doing?
The question is, how are you doing?
Do me?
Oh, I'm fine.
Really?
Sure.
Well, things went off just like I said they would.
Just smooth glass.
Is that a fact?
Yeah, maybe we should do this sort of thing more often.
Oh, I don't know.
I'm not as young as I used to be.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
I mean, whatever happened to the days of...
Crosby, Stills and Madge, Chicago,
you know, groups like that, they just come out and they'd play.
It was great.
Yeah.
How about Benny Goodman, huh?
Yeah, man, there was a band for you, lad.
Well, I never got a chance to see him,
but I sure do like the records.
Well, I wouldn't want this to get around,
but I kind of like Crosby, Stills and Madge.
Hey, you ought to come out and see this.
They're spraying the audience with a fire extinguisher.
Oh, no.
Yeah, but the kids love it.
The concert's a big success, baby.
You ought to come take a look.
All right, we'll be right there.
What is with the kids today, Mr. Carlson?
Wish I could tell you, Annie,
that I really wish I could tell you.
You ready to go?
What?
Huh?
You ready to go?
Oh, yeah.