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The Bell Telephone System presents Telephone Time.
Telephone Time, with the stories of John Nesbitt.
Good evening.
I once talked with men who recognized this heavy, old-fashioned walking stick and knew the man who owned it.
And at the press club or the bohemian club in San Francisco today,
you can find many men who will tell you dozens of yarns about him and they always begin to smile as they remember him.
He was just, to begin with, an old crackpot, you might say,
who wandered around the streets of San Francisco claiming that he was the emperor of California
and the protector of Mexico and quite a lot of other things.
And he had quite a collection of these canes, which he called his royal scepters.
And he was capable of giving you a clonk right over your noggin if you gave him an argument on this score.
But for the most part, he was kind and he was considerate,
and he even tried to help as much as a confused old wanderer might.
And that is why one day the men stopped laughing at him and took him to their heart.
And that, I believe, is where his true story is to be found.
It was probably on September the 16th in 1859 that a highly improbable man landed at one of the piers
that still line San Francisco's bay and slowly climbed these steep streets where now the skyscrapers rise
and made his first stop at Hayes Saloon, and where perhaps he stood outside for a moment
listening to the strong and friendly laughter of the men to whom San Francisco belonged.
Get out of here!
You heard me. Out!
Oh, no, you don't.
He bought a beer, Hayes. He's a right to a snack. Isn't that so, Judge?
Yes, Gretz. He's a legal client in your establishment, Mr. Hayes,
entitled to full courtesies from the free lunch counter. Right, McTee?
That's right.
Now, I'm going to have to ask you a question.
What is the name of the man who bought the beer?
He's a legal client in your establishment, Mr. Hayes, entitled to full courtesies from the free lunch counter.
Right, McTee?
That's right. It's your sign, Mr. Hayes.
Excuse me.
Pardon me, gentlemen.
We are not amused, but we understand your interest in our person.
Therefore, we shall now issue our first proclamation.
At the peremptory request and desire of a large majority of the citizens of these United States,
I do hereby proclaim myself Emperor of these United States.
And in virtue of the authority thereby invested,
I do hereby order and direct the representatives of the different states of the Union
to assemble in musical hall in this city on the first day of February next.
Then and there, to make such alterations in the existing laws of the Union
as may ameliorate the evils under which this country is laboring
and thereby cause confidence to exist both at home and abroad in our stability and integrity,
I hereby proclaim myself Emperor of the United States.
Ah, yes.
Your remuneration.
Oh, thank you for escorting us to our royal lodging.
You have our permission to retire.
Oh, no, this is our supper.
We appreciate your field.
Yes, you may come in.
Well, I see you've already got a royal bodyguard, Emperor.
The boys at the saloon call him Bummer.
Kind of fitting, huh?
What do you want, young man?
You can drop the act, Granddad.
I'm Bret Hart, reporter for the Bulletin.
Tell me, what's your real name?
Where'd you come from?
How'd you get the idea for this panhandling act?
Young man, you are insolent.
I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but I'm not up on the proper etiquette in the presence of emperors.
I thought you'd get this proclamation published so that all your subjects could know your wishes.
I tell you what, make me royal historian.
Give me the exclusive on your story,
and I'll have the staff artist come up and do a picture of you and get you right on the front page.
Oh, Mrs. Katie, how is our custodian of the royal bedchamber today?
Emperor, Your Majesty, Papa says for me to collect 50 cents a night in advance, or out you go.
But I said you're an emperor, and you shouldn't pay rent.
Your father is right, Mr. Skaty. Even an emperor must meet his obligations.
We, uh, we seem to be temporarily out of funds.
Uh, Mr. Skaty, would you ask your father if he could extend our credit?
Here you are, Mr. Skaty.
Young man, we do not solicit charity.
It's not charity, Emperor. Let's call it the royal historian license fee.
Papa says they'll come and get you pretty soon.
I said you're an emperor, and they wouldn't dare.
They wouldn't dare, would they?
Don't you worry, Katie.
Shakespeare said it, Your Majesty.
I've got another one!
Your Royal Honor of Garlic Sausages, Your Majesty.
Well, get him a cup! Bring him a crown!
Here's his crown!
Here you are!
Here's the crown!
Oh, there's no word from you!
I will.
Quiet all of you!
The emperor now is recognized as a legitimate king,
sovereign,
We beg his majesty step down and accept the homage of his royal subjects.
Kneel everybody! Kneel!
Take your hats off! Kneel!
And now pray descend, gracious majesty.
Hail!
Hail!
Hail!
Hail!
Hail!
Hail!
Are you all right, sir?
We are quite all right, we thank you.
Hail!
Hail!
If a good reporter gets a story that he can play up for laughs, it is his job to do it.
But also if he's a reporter, it is his job to go after every fact to keep his story running.
Which may be what turned up the clue to the real man still living behind the emperor's comic and pathetic masquerade.
I hope you enjoyed yourselves.
What are you getting so persnickety about, Hart? You started this whole thing.
You bet I did.
I'm not very proud of myself.
Oh, hand me the crying towel, mama.
All right, laugh your fool head off.
Do you know who that old man is?
Just another bum, the towel's full of him.
He's Joshua Norton.
That old panhandler?
It's impossible.
It couldn't be.
Hey, is it Norton?
I don't know, it's been a long time.
Well, who the devil was Joshua Norton?
They knew him, everybody knew him.
This is Joshua Norton.
Or at least it was.
One of the biggest merchants this town ever had.
Until he tried to corner the rice market, it exploded in his face.
He could have skipped with a fortune, but he stayed.
He paid off every dime he owed.
Right, Judge?
He stayed.
I remember how his creditors crushed him.
He was broke and sick when he dropped out of sight.
Now he's just another panhandler.
Set him up, Hayes.
Shut up, you.
Why do you suppose he came back this way?
That's what's troubled me.
Why?
A reporter's supposed to know what makes people tick.
I can't figure this one.
Maybe he had to come back.
Josh Norton loved this town.
He was important here.
A man has to feel important.
Even if it's only in a dream world.
All right.
If he says he's the emperor, so be it.
Come on, lads.
There you are, Judge.
Hey, boys, he's back to get his hat.
Let's give him a royal welcome.
Shut up and get out of here.
Friend.
Step right up, Emperor.
Your hat, Emperor.
What's your pleasure, Emperor?
A beer for all these gentlemen, please.
Good luck to you.
All right.
Go on, Emperor.
The hills are steep, all right.
And over the next 17 years, the emperor sometimes complained
that the hardest part of royal obligations
is the amount of footwork that it takes out of a man.
But he walked the streets happily through the years,
carrying gumdrops for small girls and boys
and graciously receiving the salutes of large policemen.
Foot sore and weary at day's end,
he would plod up the steps to his tiny room.
But he had his vanity, like all men,
and he was pleased to sell gifts such as a pair of apple pies,
and he greatly enjoyed collecting his memoirs in large scrapbooks.
The emperor's proclamations were recorded by the entire Western press,
which caused him much gratification.
But also, like most men, he continued to have his little financial difficulties,
which he solved by presenting his imperial drafts upon the city's banks,
and they were always honored in cold cash.
Sorry to keep you waiting, Emperor. It's a fine day.
Excellent. A draft on the imperial treasury.
Yes, Your Majesty. Your signature, please.
Thank you.
Your Majesty.
Emperor.
Disgraceful!
With the passing years, he found it necessary to lose his now and then,
such as the time, as the scrapbook shows us,
Emperor Norton denied free rides on river steamship life.
I said no ticket, no ride.
My good man, once a year when the legislature is in session,
we journey to Sacramento. Never before have we required a ticket.
We, Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico,
having been refused a passage by the steam navigation company to Sacramento City,
do hereby command the revenue cutter, Shubrick,
to blockade the Sacramento River and bring them to terms, Norton I.
You hear that, boys?
The Emperor has commanded the revenue cutter to blockade the Sacramento River.
That'll teach him to be rude to our Emperor.
Do you suppose the cutter will do it?
I wouldn't be surprised in the least.
The steamship company just surrendered, boys.
They issued the Emperor a lifetime pass.
You don't say.
Oh, no.
And if you would stand for no nonsense in some matters,
there were other affairs of state in which he showed a tolerance far ahead of his times.
Emperor brings John Walsh. No charge. No charge.
Thank you, John. Your loyalty is enough.
It's an Emperor's duty to protect his subjects.
We recognize no divisions of mankind.
All our subjects are equal in our eyes and according to our laws.
Once, however, his schemes of great enterprises nearly went too far.
And those groups of disloyal subjects that were in favor of taking away his freedom
at last found a strong argument when he publicly proclaimed
that it was quite possible to place a bridge across San Francisco Bay
and he commanded the work to start forthwith.
Now on his long walks, his dreams stretch to wider and wider horizons
and he's determined to make his dreams a reality.
His dreams stretch to wider and wider horizons
until he actually conceived it possible to cut a canal Atlantic to the Pacific
across the Isthmus of Panama.
Gentlemen, we shall show you our plan.
We intend to make it unnecessary for ships to sail around the Horn
by ordering a ditch to be dug here, across the Isthmus of Panama.
That would separate the two continents, Emperor.
Naturally, we intend to discuss the matter with the only other lawful emperor in the Americas.
Dom Pedro, Emperor of Brazil?
It has come to our attention that the royal gentlemen will soon honor our fair city with a visit.
Naturally, we shall head the welcoming delegation.
You don't suppose the old boy is serious, do you?
The emperor has never yet embarrassed the city fathers.
If he pulls a stunt like that, they'll put him away for sure.
Do you know that the commissioner has already got a drawer full of complaints from old fuddy-duddies
who think he's a disgrace to the city.
The emperor's got a guardian angel, McTeague.
He'll need it.
And perhaps it was his urge to discuss this vast Central American project
with the real emperor of Brazil
that undoubtedly caused that guardian angel of his for once to take the entire day off.
Our apologies for waiting.
Our apologies.
Now, would you mind telling me, will his majesty require a curtsy or would you...
No, madam. Only on court functions.
His majesty is very democratic.
Ah, his majesty Don Pedro is ready to receive you now.
We thank you for being punctual.
Oh, no. Holy mackerel.
We've got to get him out of here.
It's too late now.
Ah, greetings.
Greetings, cousin Don Pedro.
We welcome you to our country.
But before the ceremonies, there is an urgent matter of mutual interest which we must settle.
Come to think of it, this may be the one document
which the emperor failed to treasure and preserve among his memoirs.
The next complainant.
Your honor, we ask only what is right and proper.
And the right and proper place for a demented old man is in an institution,
not wandering around our streets disgracing us.
Bordendash! Nonsense! Leave the old man alone!
He ain't no disgrace!
Leave me alone!
Order! What's the defense got to say?
Your honor, the emperor never harmed a soul.
And he didn't mean any harm this time.
Besides, we hustled him right out.
Then you admit this true.
Well, everybody in town knows it happened.
But there was no intention on the emperor's part to embarrass anyone.
Intention or no, he's guilty.
We demand that he be committed.
Guilty, my eyes!
If you don't want to be committed, why don't they leave him alone?
Your honor, Mr. Judge, I speak, please.
Go ahead, John.
Long time ago, John came to San Francisco.
Do laundry for many people.
Some very bad, some very good.
But finest people John ever know is emperor.
He do John good.
He do everybody good.
Emperor is very good man.
To lock him up is wrong.
Good man, John!
I don't know why they ever did that.
Let the old man go. He's never heard of it.
Order! Order! Order!
The law is the law.
The charge of offending the emperor of Brazil at a public meeting,
thereby committing a public nuisance, has been admitted and proven.
I'm afraid the court has no other choice.
Boys, the bartender's association will go bare for any man who has the guts to tear this place apart.
We'll strike a quarter for it.
My ferry boat won't leave the slip until our emperor's acquitted.
The boys at Wells Fargo will file a case to the Supreme Court.
Any further attempt to intimidate this court and you'll all get 30 days.
Your Honor, if I may intrude.
By all means, your Highness.
Your mayor has just visited me and offered apologies for the incident of yesterday.
I could not accept them because my country is in no way offended.
Indeed, I consider your emperor Norton most fortunate.
It is a rare thing for a monarch to be free to do the things he likes.
And it is rare still to have so many friends who love and take care of him.
I would consider it a privilege to be counted among them.
Case dismissed!
The imperial government of Norton I.
This is one of those 50-cent notes upon the imperial treasury.
And after this announcement, I'm going to return with the usual footnote or two to the story of our Emperor Norton.
The Emperor Norton lived out his full span of years quite happily,
except that he always fiercely insisted upon having his bridge across the San Francisco Bay
and that it was entirely practical.
When he died, the entire city mourned him and 30,000 people attended his public funeral.
As late, I believe, as 1934, they raised a fine monument to him,
and on it they were quite careful to put just the inscription which he would like.
It reads, Norton I, the Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.
They also got around at last to giving him his bay bridge.
The End