The following program is being brought to you in living color on NBC by the W.A. Schaefer
Pen Company. Jimmy Garanti in Give My Regards to Broadway.
Everything that happens in life can happen in a show. You can make them laugh, you can
make them cry. Anything, anything can go. The clown with his pants falling down, all
the dance, that's a dream of romance. All to see where the villain is mean, that's
entertainment to play. That's a hit on Broadway. All to pause just before the applause.
To pause the bright lights on the opening nights, that's entertainment.
Jimmie's guest star, Jane Holland. Jimmy Rogers. Eddie Hodges. And special guest,
Bob Dylan. When you can't find the best of the clothes, when your act stops the show,
all the roar, when they're shouting encore, that's entertainment. The guy who's the
sly private eye that you see every night on TV, or the kid who began like I did, that's
entertainment. The plot may be hot, full of action and thrills. A cop who won't stop
till his job is fulfilled. And all the gangsters he kills brings him fame, fame and glory,
like a typical movie story. The guy may be waving a flag that began back with George
M. Cohen. Hip hurray, the American way. The world is a stage, the stage is a world of
entertainment. Give my regards to Broadway, starring Jimmy Durante. Presented throughout
the United States and Canada by the Schaefer Pen Dealers, who this Christmas feature the
most glamorous gift you can give a woman, and now the newest gift you can give a man.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Alistair Cook. Tonight, I'm gonna tell
you a little about Broadway. No matter where you look, all over the world, Broadway's got
the brightest lights. Broadway runs through Manhattan. Manhattan is an island, and an
island of course is a body of water surrounded entirely by land on the inside. Broadway starts
way down here at the battery, and let's see, where does it go from there? It goes up through
Times Square, Columbus Circle, then all the way to Yonkers. If you were given that answer
before you came on stage, we're in trouble. Say, Eddie, you know Broadway pretty well,
huh? Say, tell me, how long you been in show business? Well, let's see, I was in Hole in
the Head, Music Man. Gosh, I go clear back to 1957. 1957? Unapprentice veteran. You're,
well, sort of my idol. I've always wanted to be just like you. Well, Eddie, you can
be like me, with some luck, a lot of hard work, and a little sloppy plastic surgery.
But if you want to be a real success in this business, you gotta remember one thing, the
most important thing, and that is the audience. Now, this is an audience, and to be a star,
you gotta feel the audience. Go ahead, feel one. Wait a minute, wait a minute, don't
bruise them. It cuts down his applauding power. Now, these are the people I've inspired.
Sometimes it's a bit of a challenge, but remember one thing, Eddie, the audience is important,
especially if you have a lot of relatives in the audience. You know something, Eddie?
Something has always gotta be going on on stage. You're sure great, Mr. Bolger. I wish
I could be like you. Well, you can be, Eddie, with a little luck, a lot of hard work, and
some sloppy plastic surgery. I'm still young. Maybe it'll grow. Oh, no, it'll never. You
have to be born with that, just like you were born with talent. Isn't that true, Jimmy?
Right. You see, Eddie, you take what was given you to start with, work hard at it, become
successful, and when you're my age, you can sit at the fire side and take it easy. If
that's true, what happened to me? I can't answer that question, Mr. Bolger.
Anything. How can you be so nimble on your feet at your
age? Don't you just hate kids yet? At my age? How
old do you think I am, Eddie? Well, you must be close to 36.
Don't you just love kids? I like you, Eddie.
I like you, too. Wait a minute. Let's make it unanimous. I
like the both of you. Pounds, pounds, pounds. Now wherever we go, whatever we do, we're
gonna go through it together. We may not go far, but sure as the stars, wherever we are,
we're together. Wherever I go, I know that he goes. A duo. And wherever we go, we know
he goes. A trio. No fits, no bites, no foods, and no egos. Amigos. Together. So tell me,
what's the difference between a tick and two-ten? Oh, now they're all in. And whether it's
wind place or show? We'll do for me and me for you. We'll muddle through whatever we
do together, wherever we go. Now a few weeks ago, on Frank Sinatra's show,
he sang this with Gino and Bingo. Hey, this is their set. They each holler class. No one
can surpass. Man, it was a gas of a show. Now, Trollsby was as casual as ever. As ever.
Sinatra and Martin were clever. So clever. Let's hope that they never will shepher.
Never and ever. Together. Say, Ray, you be big. Are you kidding? I don't sing. Hey,
let's swing on this thing all together. Hey, yeah. The big and the small. Show off. We're
having a ball here together. We'll play all the best clubs and lodges. Durantor. And Boulder.
And Hutchins. We'll make a great team like the Dodgers. Trick or treat. Together. If
I catch the flu, we'll catch it from you. We'll all sneeze our chew together. We'll do
for me and me for you. We'll muddle through whatever we do. Together. Together.
Wherever. Wherever. Together. Wherever we go.
Well, Jimmy, what are you doing here? You're not a dancer.
I know. But in this type of show, the star always works with the guest. And another thing,
you know in my career, why I've skated with Sonia Henney, bulldogged the stairs with Teroy
Rogers and drowned with Esther Williams. Jimmy, we'd just love to have you dance with
us, but the dance only requires six boys. You fellas want to draw straws? I don't like
being a tyrant, but I'm afraid I must. You leave. I just cut off the rent on your suit.
No, wait, Sasha. Jimmy, you can't let Sasha go because he gives all of the cubes to the
entire group. Sasha, tell me what the cubes are. I'm afraid, Miss Powell, you'll have
to continue without my services. I'm sorry, Jimmy. Oh, that's all right. By the man at
mission of failure, a man spiritually and psychologically attains an eternal demon that
transcends all metaphysical pneumonias documented by human experience.
Bed, bed, I couldn't go to bed, my head's too light to ever set it down. Sleep, sleep,
I couldn't sleep a wink, not for all the jewels in the crown. I could have danced all night,
and still have begged for more. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things
I've never done before. I'll never know what made it so exciting. Why all at once my heart
began to flutter, I only know when he began to dance with me. I could have danced, danced,
danced all night.
I could have danced, danced, danced all night.
I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never done before. I could have
done a thousand things I've never done before. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand
things I've never done before. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things
I've never done before. I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never
done before. Sleep, sleep, I couldn't sleep tonight, not for all the jewels in the crown.
That was lovely. That was lovely. You know, if you walk along Broadway far enough, you'll
be clear out of New York. Just keep going west, and when you get to Fort Madison, Iowa,
you'll arrive at the Shaper Pen Company, which up to now didn't even know it was on Broadway.
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Good evening, fashion enthusiastics. Clothes are exceedingly important. They not only make
you look good, but when you're falling apart, they hold you together. Broadway often sets
the trend in styles. Miss Powell and I will give you a glimpse of what the smart actors
are wearing this year. First model, please. This is for Maxwell Sheen.
It's an imported black silk formal sheet with huge cocoa and tangerine colored pockets.
The convertible sleeves can also be worn as a cape. Jane, that model is gorgeous.
Oh, I guess she's all right if you like that type. I like it very much. I like to meet it.
Now for the masculine gender. That means fellows. Here is the first of the new styles from
Miss Lee. As you notice, it barely holds half an Italian. There are no pockets, no cuffs.
As a matter of fact, he's lucky they gave him the pants. The feature of this stunning
suit is the vent in the back. It's very smart if you can stand a draft.
Love a man that walks with a swagger, don't you? Yeah, when the suit loosens up, he'll
walk better. And here is a white satin dinner costume with hand embroidered sleeves.
They are sprinkled with brilliance to give importance to the jacket. It is worn over
a formal strapless dress and the bodice is of crushed chiffon.
Jane, I'm sure I've seen that girl somewhere before. Oh, probably in a magazine someplace,
Jimmy. You know, she used to model his and hers hip boots.
Yeah, maybe I didn't recognize her with her boots off.
And now something for the girl outdoor man. This is a shooting jacket. This is a shooting
jacket. This is a shooting jacket fashioned from English tweed and Italian chamois. The
coat is by Baroni. The falcon by Fritz Poultry.
I do like an outdoor man like that. Trouble is when you get him indoors, he wilts.
This is a palm-pain silk satin ball gown. The handmade roses and blending shades follow
the wrap-over lines of the skirt. Jane, do you think you could get that model's
phone number? Oh, yes, Jimmy. I happen to know her husband
very well. In that case, when you get the number, give
it to him. This is something exciting from the Via Barberina
in the heart of the Italian fashion headquarters. Notice the bulky Italian sweater.
The only trouble is people have been known to look inside and find somebody else in there.
The Bermuda shorts are only for those men who have beautiful dimple knees, like our
handsome model. A garter belt can be worn with this outfit
if you wish to be a conversation piece in the locker room.
That concludes our style show for tonight. You know something, Jane?
I'm disappointed. I've always wanted to go out on a date with a model.
Oh, Jimmy, maybe I can arrange a date for you.
I'm sorry, Miss Powell. I'm not being paid to mingle.
The show about Broadway isn't complete without mentioning Carnegie Hall.
I doubt that any of you remember the first concert performed in that center of culture.
It was performed by one of the most gifted piano teams of the day.
Miss Powell, will you accompany me to the Rastam?
Obviously, these are the first pianists ever used in Carnegie Hall.
Jane, are your fingers limber? Oh, they're just fine, Mr. Durante.
Okay, limber your toes. Ready?
Ready.
A one, a two, a three.
A vet vant's feet don't have this touch.
Say, Miss Powell, you play a beautiful piano.
Why, thank you, Mr. D. I'm going to take a violin lesson so my fingers will have something to do.
You know, you play pretty well yourself.
Why not? I'm playing a roller tower.
You know, this is fun. You and I can form a team.
Say, what would you call the play of piano rats?
Toe and gee, toe and coming toe.
Very cute.
Oh, I never knew any boy like you.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
It's the first time I ever got corns playing a piano.
You know something, Janie? This kind of music ain't nothing.
Oh, I don't know. I kind of like it, Janie. It reminds me of an 1890 jukebox.
But songs wasn't meant to come out of machines. It's got to come from the heart.
And you know something, Janie? No matter how good you sing, or no matter how loud you sing, it's got to come from here.
Let me illustrate what I mean.
Par l'emboise d'amour, ré-ti-che, la-se-che, la-si-che, cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha.
Spanish.
No, that's French.
How do you like that? I sing French too.
Now Janie, try and follow me in this one.
Ochi chonio, ochi chonio, ochi strasno, ochi strasno, ochi kushno, ochi kushno, i pi krasno.
I pi krasno.
Caca bluie bus.
Caca bluie bus?
Yeah. Caca bluie bus.
Was that from the heart?
No, that's from the stomach.
You can't respect me in these things.
Caca bluie bus.
Caca bluie bus.
Caca bluie bus.
Caca bluie bus.
I am.
Don't you agree with me?
You've got to have heart.
Heart, heart, heart, heart.
Oh, you really need it.
Heart, heart, heart, heart.
When the odds are saying you'll never win, that's when a grin should start.
When your luck is batting zero.
When your luck is batting zero.
Get your chin up off the floor.
Get your chin up off the floor.
Jimmy, you can be a hero.
Jimmy, you can be a hero.
You can open any door.
There's nothing to it but to do it.
You've got to have heart.
Heart, heart, heart, heart.
I'm a wild man.
Heart, heart, heart, heart.
I could be a genius of color.
But keep that old horse before the car.
First you've got to have heart.
There's nothing to it but to do it.
You've got to have heart.
Miles and miles and miles of heart.
I'm a wild man.
I could be a genius of color.
But keep that old horse before the car.
First you've got to have heart.
Miles and miles of heart.
Mr. Rogers, may I join you?
Why, certainly, Mr. Durante.
How about our doing a folk tune?
Why not? After all, we're both folk.
Go ahead, Jimmy.
All right.
Once a jolly swag man camped by a billabong.
Under the shade of a coolabong tree.
Hold it, hold it.
Swag man, billabong, coolabong.
What kind of word to them?
Well, I don't analyze them, Jimmy.
I just sing them.
Actually, this is a song called Waltzing Matilda.
And it's an Australian folk song.
Well, in that case, I'll have to consult my Australian dictionary.
Billabong, billabong, billabong.
Billabong refer to Scalabang.
Scalabang, Scalabang.
Scalabang, same as billabong.
I get it.
Well, Jimmy, actually, it's very easy.
A billabong is a water hole.
And a scag man is a tramp.
And a coolabong is a eucalyptus tree.
Good, good.
For a moment I thought the song had no message.
Continue.
And he sang and he watched.
And he waited while his billy boiled.
Billy boiled?
That's the Kim Kim for boiling water.
I can't get used to that kangaroo bop.
Come on, Jimmy, why don't you try a verse?
All right.
Throw a chord at me.
Down came a jam book to drink at the billabong.
This song is Australia's answer to Mac the Knife.
I think you better carry on alone, Jimmy.
Maybe something in English like Tukun-Kun-Kari.
All right.
Tukun-Kun-Kari, Tukun-Kun-Kari, I just gotta get home.
Twelve more miles to Tukun-Kari, I'll be hurrying there.
To the gal I'm going to marry with the yellowest hair.
I'll let a bride march along, I just gotta get home.
Ten more miles to Tukun-Kari, then I'll have a more roll.
Tukun-Kari, Tukun-Kari, I just gotta get home.
Eight more miles to Tukun-Kari, it's the fourth of July.
Been three years in January since I kissed her goodbye.
Well, let a bride march along, I just gotta get home.
Six more miles to Tukun-Kari, then I'll have a more roll.
Tukun-Kari, Tukun-Kari, I just gotta get home.
Four more miles to Tukun-Kari, not much further to go.
I got no time to waste with Mary, she'll be waiting, I know.
Well, let a bride march along, I just gotta get home.
Just gotta get home.
Two more miles to Tukun-Kari, then I'll have a more roll.
Tukun-Kari, Tukun-Kari, I just gotta get home.
Here I am in Tukun-Kari, found my yellow-haired gal.
Just in time to see her marry with my very best pal.
Let a bride march along, guess I better be gone.
Miles and miles to Tukun-Kari, I'll be rambling on.
Tukun-Kari, Tukun-Kari, I'll be rambling on.
I'm a hundred miles from Tukun-Kari, down in Santa Fe.
Fell in love with a girl they married, gee, I'm happy today.
No more marching now, from my honeycomb.
I've forgotten Tukun-Kari, no more reason to roam.
Tukun-Kari, Tukun-Kari, I've forgotten Tukun-Kari, no more reason to roam.
Tukun-Kari, Tukun-Kari, I'll be rambling on.
APPLAUSE
And so, and so we leave the beautiful shores of Tukun-Kari, and return to Broadway.
Broadway was built by the Dutch settlers in the 17th century.
They called it, Rodeweg. Later on it was changed to Broadway, because nobody could be a hit on Rodeweg.
Ray Belger's been a hit in a dozen Broadway shows, and he's going to do a number now which demonstrates why.
In this number, he shows the trouble a team can have with cigarettes.
MUSIC
My name is Sledgehammer, private investigator.
I may never finish this case.
MUSIC
GUNFIRE
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
MUSIC
APPLAUSE
Ray, that was marvelous.
Oh, thank you, Jimmy. I thought it was great.
LAUGHTER
Oh, Jimmy, what a character you are. You know, I think we'd have a lot of fun tonight if we went out and had a little bite each...
No, I'm sorry, Ray. You know, right after the show, we're throwing a party.
Oh, I'll go along.
Oh, wait a minute. I got entertained. What are you going to do?
Well, I'm going to entertain with you. I can sing, I can dance, I can juggle...
No, no, no. I need a musician.
Well, you're looking at one. The world's second greatest drummer.
All right. Then you got to show me.
Oh, I'll show you, man.
MUSIC
MUSIC
LAUGHTER
Please. Please.
LAUGHTER
If you put on a round voice like that, then I'll have your gift wrapped and crushed at the post office.
Hey, that's a pretty line. Hey, that wasn't in the script. What did you get there, watch?
Hey, now, play your script.
Play the script? I want to play the drums.
We started the pizza cut.
MUSIC
MUSIC
Oh, sorry. I lost my hand.
MUSIC
MUSIC
She's right here.
LAUGHTER
Your voice lends nothing to the performance.
What do you mean, my voice lends nothing to the performance?
Do you realise, Mr. Durrani, that when the rich smelter you heard me sing, he immediately took me under his wing?
Too bad he didn't fly away with you.
LAUGHTER
It continued as though nothing happened.
Yeah, well, I get the chair.
MUSIC
MUSIC
CLATTERING
LAUGHTER
He'd do anything to get acquainted.
Mr. Axel Stoverall, let's pick it up from the kitchen.
Oh, it's Axel Stoverall.
MUSIC
A college graduate.
Tell me if Mr. Durrani...
Here, I'll take it.
Who's it from?
When will they open it?
How do I know?
I'll read through the paper. I'll look and see.
It's from Mr. Steinway.
What does he want? What does he want?
He wants you to scratch his name off his piano.
LAUGHTER
All right, we'll accommodate you, Mr. Steinway.
LAUGHTER
Here, mail his name back to him.
LAUGHTER
We'll start again, Mr. Stoverall.
LAUGHTER
Wait a minute.
LAUGHTER
Now, we've committed what we would say in our thing.
We've entitled ourselves to a little autopsy.
LAUGHTER
Let's get waiting.
MUSIC
Love is a very splendid thing.
LAUGHTER
Everywhere you go, Marie Callas.
LAUGHTER
Mr. Poulter, I do the singing.
You just laid dominant.
LAUGHTER
Start again.
Yes, sir.
Count back down.
Is it beautiful?
Yes.
MUSIC
You're drowning my melody.
LAUGHTER
How can I drown?
It just went down for the third time.
LAUGHTER
He plays piano by nose.
LAUGHTER
Just a short tune and so.
Mr. Poulter, let's go home.
I mean, I should have stood at home.
Yes, it's something...
APPLAUSE
Thank you, Poulter.
You know...
You know, Christmas time calls for a special kind of gift.
Get her a Lady Schaefer fountain pen.
But don't put it in a stocking,
unless she can write with her toes.
LAUGHTER
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Folks in the entertainment business,
or for that matter, in any other business,
try to keep in a swing,
no matter how old you are.
Fairy tales can come true,
it can happen to you,
if you're young at heart.
For it's hard, you'll find,
to be narrow of mind,
if you're young at heart.
You can go to extremes,
with impossible steels.
You can laugh when your dreams,
fall apart at the seams.
And life gets more exciting,
with each passing day.
And love is either in your heart,
or on its way.
Don't you know that it's worth,
every treasure on earth,
to be young at heart.
For as rich as you are,
it's much better by far,
to be young at heart.
And if you should survive,
to a hundred and five,
look at all you derive,
out of being alive.
Now here is the best part,
you have a head start,
if you are amongst the very young,
at heart.
If you're young at heart.
If you're young at heart.
And if you should survive,
to a hundred and five,
look at all you derive,
out of being alive.
Now here is the best part,
you have a head start,
if you are amongst the very young,
at heart.
Mr. Boulders, who is George M. Cohan?
Who was Mr. Cohan?
George M. Cohan happened to be Mr. Broadway himself.
You know Eddie, I was just about your age when I met Mr. Cohan.
He represented an era that keeps on living because of his music.
Wherever people are, whenever they hear a George M. Cohan song,
Broadway becomes as familiar to them as any street in their own hometown.
I'm the kid that sold the candy, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy.
I'm glad I am, so's Uncle Sam.
I'm a real life Yankee Doodle, made of semen, semen, and poodle.
Just like Mr. Doodle did by riding on a pony.
I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, a Yankee Doodle do or die.
Let's hit hooray!
A real life nephew of my Uncle Sam,
born on the foretops of Broadway, Broadway, J.
I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart,
she's my Yankee Doodle, George.
Oh boy!
Yankee Doodle came to London just to ride the pony.
I am a Yankee Doodle.
We're here for a Yankee Doodle.
I am the Yankee Doodle dog.
My mother's name was Mary.
She was so good and true,
because her name was Mary.
They called me Mary too,
for it is Mary, Mary,
plain as any name can be.
But with the quieting, society will say,
Mary, but it was Mary, Mary,
long before the passions came.
There is something there,
that sounds so square.
It's a grand old name.
They're singing Mary, Mary,
plain as any name can be.
But with the quieting, society will say,
Mary, but it was Mary, Mary,
long before the passions came.
And there is something there,
that sounds so square.
It's a grand old name.
Oh, there you are.
Oh, there you are.
Who is a man who will spend or will even lend?
Harrigan?
That's me.
Who is your friend every time that you need a friend?
Harrigan?
That's me.
Well, I'm just as proud of my name, you see,
as a president or any king could be.
Who is a man, helps a man every time he can?
Harrigan?
That's me.
Smell it for me, Eddie.
H-H-R-R-I-G-H-N, spelled Harrigan.
Ha ha! Proud of all the Irish blood that's in me.
Give her the man can say a word again me.
Smell it again, me boy.
H-H-R-R-I-G-H-N, you see.
Thank you kindly.
It's a name that the shame never has been connected with.
Harrigan?
Ha ha! That's me.
Now this is me.
H-H-R-R-I-G-H-N, spelled Harrigan.
Proud of all the Irish blood that's in him.
Ha ha! I see that you.
Give her the man can say a word again him.
Eddie, spell it with me.
H-H-R-R-I-G-H-N, you see.
It's a name that the shame never has been connected with.
Harrigan?
Harrigan?
Let me hear it again.
Harrigan?
What's that you're saying?
Harrigan?
Oh! Ha ha! Harrigan?
That's me.
Ha ha!
H-H-R-R-I-G-H-N, spelled Harrigan.
Proud of all the Irish blood that's in me.
I see that you.
Give her the man can say a word again me.
H-H-R-R-I-G-H-N, you see.
And there is something there that sounds so square.
M-A-R-Y.
H-H-R-R-I-G-H-N.
Mary Harrigan.
Yeah!
It's a grand old name.
Remember me to Harold Square.
Tell all the gang at 42nd Street that I will soon be there.
Shall we stir up how I'm yearning to mingle with that old-time throng?
Give my regards to old Broadway and say that I'll be there at all.
See the cat may be waving the flag that began.
Pack the Georgia coal and hip hooray.
See American way, the world is the stage.
The stage is the world of entertainment.
Folks, I suggest those of you who want a shaper pen for Christmas, go out now.
And if you don't get a shaper pen for Christmas, write to Santa Claus asking for a shaper pen
for Christmas.
It's a Shaper PFM.
The pen for men by Shaper.
The newest gift you can give a man.
And man how men go for it.
Why, just one look tells you Shaper's PFM has what it takes to be any man's lifetime friend.
It's bold, neat, handsome, rugged.
That's PFM.
It's got some heft to it, and it fits a man's grip because it was made for him.
And here at last is a pen that writes the way a man's pen should with a world's only inlaid point.
This one's 14 carat solid gold.
Go ahead, bear down on it if you like.
The point for man is really rugged.
And because men prefer it, the PFM Phil Shaper's exclusive snorkel pen way loads up the massive
capacity barrel slick as a whistle.
Yes sir, from PFM's loss proof clip to the way it rides free and easy in a man's pocket,
it's every inch a man's pen.
Shaper's pen for men.
You've seen it in your favorite magazines and newspapers.
Tomorrow, see and try it at your favorite store.
Pen for men prices start at $10.
The set with matching pencil for men in this handsome presentation box from just $14.95.
Shaper's PFM.
It's the newest, most exciting gift you can give a man.
And now folks, that's it for Broadway.
Good night to all of you.
And good night, Mrs. Calabash, well, everyone.
Next week at this time, see the indestructible Mr. Gold starring William Shatner, E.G. Marshall,
and special guest star, Inger Stevens on Sunday Showcase in Colour.
Now stay tuned for the Dinah Shore Chevy Show, also in Colour, next on most of these NBC stations.
With my regards to Broadway, starring Jimmy Durante has been brought to you by the Shaffer Pen Dealers,
who feature the glamorous Lady Shaffer pen and pencil ensembles,
and Shaffer's PFM, Pen for Men, newest gift you can give a man.